En algun lugar del camino, perdí mi capacitad de sentir, sé que suena extraño, y de hacho; lo es.
Creo que debí ser mas cuidadoso acerca de lo que deseaba, porque algunas veces... Dios escucha. Estaba sintiendo demasiado dolor, amor, ira, demasiadas emociones para mi. Solo quería pararlo. Y funciono, pero esto no se siente bien.
Me siento tan vacío, aun los deseos sexuales son nada, los siento tan asquerosos, sucios... vacios.
Ahora solo quiero volver a sentir otra vez, es mi objetivo ahora. Estoy tomando algunas decisiones que tal vez esten equivocadas, pero estoy tomando el riesgo; tal vez este equivocado, tal vez no obtenga nada bueno, pero tal vez obtenga algo bueno, y eso podria valer la pena. No quiero caer en la depresión otra vez.
Sé que esto es muy aburrido, me habia prometido a mi mismo no volver a escribir algo tan personal, pero necesitaba sacarmelo del pecho.
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it has been a long time since the last time i wrote something on this blog, and still now, i don't know what to say. I feel i have lost a lot of myself... some bad news, things that ( i though) would never affect me again; did it.
in somewhere of my way, i lost my capacity to feel, i know that sounds strange, and in fact; it is...
i think i should have been more careful about what i used to wish, because sometimes ... God hears. I was feeling a lot of pain, love, anger, too much emotion for me, i just wanted to stop it... and it worked; but this is not nice.
i feeling so empty, even sexual desires are nothing, i feel them dissgusting, nasty... empty.
Right now i just want to feel again, that's my goal now, i am making some decisions and they might be bad, but i am taking the risk, i need it. maybe i am wrong, maybe i'll get nothing good, but maybe i'll get something good. i don't want to fall down into depression again.
i know this is very boring. I had promised myself not to write something so personal again, but i needed to get it out of my chest.
