no matter how bad were things around me, i was still hoping for something better, believing in love... i can't find the rights word to explain what i used to feel even when i have the habitude to complain... now hope is gone.
it has been seven years since the day we met each other... i liked u so much, it was almost love at first sight... i used to think about you as a good friend, oh well, being honest: a "fuckfriend", but for me it was always friend at first and fuck later.
throught the years and pain, i used to think about you as the perfect soulmate, even when "perfect" wasn't exactly a good definition, you were anything but perfect, sometimes we used to argue a lot, sometimes we used to fight, but somehow also we used to find out a way to keep in touch.
you used to be so nice, so "weird" and that works for me, you were different, special, i am a weirdo too, so... no problem, what's wrong with that????
maybe the difference is that when i was pround to be myself even if that meant be alone, you were so much into be like anybody else.... i didn't realized when you changed... at the begining i started not to trust you, then our fights were getting worse ....
fuck, i don't know even how to take this out of my chest, i guess there is so much history between us to write, specially when it has turned out so confuse in the last months.
everybody changes, but you changed your spirit, now you are pround to be just as idiot as everybody else, because now "you are normal", well i don't see you as a normal man, instead i see you as a stupid, primitive-macho, retrograde human, not even a man, just a child who plays monopoly... yeah, you are good at your job and that is a good quality, you earn a good money and that is a good thing, according to you, you have a lot of friends and... i am not sure if that is good, because i haven't decided yet if you were always a stupid or you chose stupid friends and they made you stupid... i like to think is the second option...
where is the guy who i liked to chat with? where is that nice guy who enjoy being different? two years ago, i broke every way of contact with you, because you had become so irritating.... and you emailed me, you wanted to talk, we wanted to be friends, just as before.... i enjoyed our time together, now i remember it was only because i had lost your job and all your "friends" were "busy with their lives", just then you remembered me...
later? you got a new job and again you were too busy to be friends, your conversations were so annoying... just: can we fuck?can resume our conversations for a week at least.
when you become so superficial? yeah, maybe i am a dramma queen, sometimes i complain so much but i just wanna know if there is some emphaty and i am not alone when i have a problem, and you know after 5 minutes i like to talk about other topics, but sweety you became a barbie doll: empty, superficial, worrying about mode, be admired, the last movie.... be "in".
you fucking bastard, i opened my body and my hearth to you, i told my biggest secret and what was your reaction??: " well, sorry, now... can we fuck? you're so hot". obviously i got upset... go ahead, tell me i am a dramma queen, but i guess when someone tells you something like that it's because he needs a friend, and you have to be friend, not a dick or an asshole, never better told.
i never told you not to be friends, but what you said was: "oh, no sex??, you know, i... i need to go away" and didn't have any new of you for five months when you texted to me "back in town, wanna fuck??.
i don't care if you say you're normal, i don't care if according to you every man is just like that because all men just think about sex and love is for women and pussy boys, i think they are the men who you like to choose like friends and myabe because of that we stop being it... men i like are differents.
i miss you, i love you, you could have been the love of my life after seven years of many things between us.
but what you have become.... seriously I HATE YOU.
some days i want to call you and ask you "promise me not to be a stupid anymore? i miss you, i want you back in my life, as my friend, my partner, my lover" but everytime i read our last conversation i know it has be done. i truly love you, or the man i used to know... but be your whore? not for you, not for anybody
