broken heart in valentine's day

i have spend this weekend with my friends, that's not bad i guess.
in fact, it's ok, really... well, it's better than the alternative, because it will never be the same spend the day with a boyfriend, than with a friend.

two months ago and a bit more, i had a boyfriend, or at least i thought i had a boyfriend; he so cute, so ... perfect at first sight, but later i discovered he was just a liar, hypocrite... let's no talk about that fucking (and fucked) son of a bitch.

let's talk about what happened after we broke up... i was so sad, disappointed, feeling used by this coward... and curiosly the man who support me and help me to get it over was the man whom i have loved most in my life. the good side of my broken up was that my ex and i became friends.

he told me he was looking for a couple too, but that's so hard to find, well, honestly i have never stopped loving him and when he said that, i felt illusioned...

this valentine's day he invited me to go out to a disco gay, that sounded good at the begining, but i realized he just consider me as a friend i asked him: "is it a date?" he answered: "oh no, it's not a date, we are only friends, no more... i had to say no... what were i supposed to do if i see him in the middle of the party kissing with someone else? or when he asks me "who do you like?".

i feel confused, i don't know, all that i know i am not ready to see him just as a friend, it hurts...

maybe there is none for me outside, even him; maybe it's truth and gay love doesn't exist in this city.