getting old and there is no love.

hey guys, i am very drunk... yeah! honestly i have been drunk many times since i broke up with my last boyfriend, if he was actually my real boyfriend, because maybe for him i was just someone else to cheat... it never mind anymore.

am i sad? i don't know, maybe... i know i am very dissapointed and that's why i drink... i am dissapointed of the world, of gays, of love... nobody is worthy, i feel so alone and to know this lonelyness will be forever doesn't help to make me feel better. Lateley i cry a lot, i don't want to get old but it's happening; i don't want to get alone but it's happening as well.

i never thought it would be so hard to be gay, i mean, i knew it would be difficult but i didn't expect it will be SO hard. with no company, with men who just wanna get sex and no love, who cheats, who lies. i am wondering if there is someone good for me in anywhere, someone honest.

now i am starting to think it was a mistake to broke up my relationship. Well i know he didn't love me, but maybe it was better than the alternative: be alone, i don't trust anyone anymore.

how am i supposed to believe in love when i just find bad men? selfish and evil, that's what they are. i just wanna find someone good, is that too much to ask for? i don't look for "the love of my life" now, i just wanted to meet someone to love ...

right now i wonder if being a good person, faithful and honest and give everything to make a relationship go up, is really a good option....